Interview with Myla Lewis and Prince Lincoln:
Good Morning, Purgatory
Susan Smiley: Welcome back. We’re very excited here at Good Morning, Purgatory. Today we have with us Myla Lewis, the Great Scala, and her fiancée Prince Lincoln.
Myla: He’s not my fiancée. We’re married.
Lincoln: (Smirks) We talked about this, Myla.
Myla: (Makes innocent face) We talked about what?
Lincoln: This is a book tour for ACCA. Christina Bauer wrote our story and we’re here to help her sell more novels. You’re not supposed to give away anything that happens in the books. It’s counter-productive.
Myla: (Taps chin.) There’s a loophole, but my brain is fudge right now.
Lincoln: There is indeed. You can say whatever you want as long as you start off by saying SPOILER ALERT.
Myla: (Snaps fingers.) That’s right. (Clears throat). Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye! This is a SPOILER ALERT! Now, are we all good? (Glares at Susan, eyes glowing red)
Susan: (Blood drains from face) Sure. We’re, uh, fine.
Myla: Okay, everybody. The book happened in the past and as of today, Lincoln and I have already gotten married. Also, he knocked me up and I’m super grouchy. That’s more fair warning than spoiler alert, though.
Lincoln: (Raises his hand) I’ll vouch for that.
Myla: In fact, someone better bring me some crackers like, now. I have the munchies.
Susan: (Calls to stage left.) Can someone get her crackers?
Myla: And I want a diet coke.
Lincoln: (Clears throat.) We talked about that, too.
Myla: Right. The baby. No diet coke.
(Terrified intern runs up and hands Myla a box of saltines.)
Myla: Thanks, kid. (Opens box, stuffs face, and talks through mouth full of crackers.) What’s up, Susan?
Susan: Well, you’re the Great Scala, the only being who can send souls to Heaven or Hell. Our viewers want to know… what’s it like to wield so much power?
Myla: It’s a pain in the ass, mostly. Except I can park wherever I want. That’s pretty much the big perk.
Susan: And what about you, Lincoln? (Blushes.) I can call you Lincoln, can’t I?
Lincoln: Of course.
Susan: You’re the High Prince of the Thrax, a race of demon fighters from Earth. Most of our viewers have never left Purgatory. We see some recordings of Earth on television reruns, but everyone wants to know… what’s it really like?
Lincoln: (Purses lips.) Filled with demons, mostly. Only humans can’t see them. Trust me, Purgatory is a nicer place to live.
Susan: (Blushes.) Thank you, Lincoln. I must say, you’re a… (Giggles.) Very fit man.
Myla: Back off. That’s my baby daddy.
Lincoln: Ever since Myla became pregnant, her demonic side is a little high-strung.
Myla: True that. I tried to fight a broom the other day. Long story.
Susan: How fascinating. Your mother is the President of Purgatory and your father is first consort as well, isn’t he?.
Myla: Yup. He’s also an archangel.
Susan: What’s that like?
Myla: It’s like any girl living in her parent’s basement while being pregnant. Not too great. Lincoln and I are looking into getting our own place in Purgatory, but it isn’t easy.
Lincoln: We need a rooftop where her father can land safely. He’s a big fan of flying around.
Myla: What a pain. (Tips cracker box upside down, nothing comes out.) Well, I’m all out of crackers, which means I need to get some juice and a back rub. (Chucks box aside and turns to Lincoln.) You up for that?
Lincoln: (Leans in and whispers something in Myla’s ear. Her eyes glow red.)
Myla: (Hops to her feet.) We’re leaving RIGHT now, thank you very much. (Waves to camera.) Buy Christina’s book and write a review for crying out loud. These books won’t sell themselves.
Lincoln: (Takes Myla’s hand,) And keep an eye out for the next installment, THRAX, which is due out in the Fall of 2017.
Susan: Thank you both for visiting us here today. (Turns to camera.) I’m Susan Smiley, and this was Good Morning, Purgatory.