The Heaviness of Knowing
by Sharolyn G. Brown
GENRE: Science Fiction
Meanwhile on Earth, Lauren is struggling to find balance at work and at home. To make matters worse, she develops an acute case of insomnia which disrupts her life. While trying to cure her condition, Lauren discovers that not only do aliens exist, but that she’s been in contact with one for most of her life. And that’s just for starters.
Now Lauren’s world is turned upside down. And Roxal has to figure out if she can harness the survival instincts which before told her to hide and use it to now fight for her survival.
What has happened? Roxal asked in the hand signal language Edo had taught her. Why are the Reps looking for traitors now?
I am not sure, exactly. I thought it too dangerous to meet with my Resistor contacts after the assembly. But... he paused during his response.
But what? she prodded.
Roxal, you have always asked that I not give you details because you did not want to get involved. The questions you are asking will get you involved.
This time Roxal paused before answering Edo because he was right. Even after her moment of defiance and after learning their gods were fake, and that her mission with Lauren was a lie, and that she was actually a slave, Roxal had asked him to not give her any details on the activities of the Resistors. She had thought that by not knowing any of the details about the Resistors, she could keep herself safe by denying membership. However, today had shown her otherwise. The sight of the Helper pleading for her life while declaring her innocence had shown Roxal that there was no such thing as being safe.
She finally admitted to herself, that as a slave to The Keepers and the Reps, her life was forfeit from the moment she was created. Appeasing her gods and the Reps could keep her alive. But if they ever decided that she should die, she now knew there was nothing she could say or do to stop it.
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Something quirky about me is that I talk to myself out loud. I mean I have full, two-sided, conversations with myself. Talking to myself helps me think things through. When I need to figure something out, or when I just have an idea for a story or a character that I find interesting, I will often discuss it with myself. Out loud.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve worked to make sure I don’t do this around people because I don’t want them thinking I’m crazy. And sometimes it isn’t easy. For example at my day job, my workspace can be either a private office or a seat in a cubicle farm. There have been times when I’ve had something complicated to do, and in trying to think through how to accomplish my task, inevitably, I catch myself talking out loud to myself. Most of the times, I’ve been working in a private office. But there have been times when I’ve been working in a cubicle, and talking to myself.
Whenever it’s happened in the cubicle, I always look around to see if anyone’s watching me. So far I haven’t found anyone staring at me. So hopefully my coworkers don’t think I’m crazy. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for my poor husband.
For me, my time in the shower is when I often think about my day. Things I need to do, things I want to do, problems I have to solve, all of these thoughts run through my head as I shower each morning. Well, one morning, about three years into my marriage, I was thinking about something complicated. I don’t remember what it was, but whatever I was thinking about resulted in me turning my back to the shower door and talking to myself, out loud.
When I had finally reached my solution, I remember I said, “Okay. Yeah, that’ll work,” out loud. Then I turned off the water and faced the door. There, standing on the other side of the door, was my husband. And he was just staring at me. I couldn’t think of anything to say. Then we both just started laughing. I got out of the shower, still laughing, and said, “That’s how I figure out my day.”
My husband simply continued laughing, shook his head, and walked away. We’re still happily married. But I often catch him staring at me while we get dressed for work in the morning.