The Title of Temperance Author:Ichabod Temperance Genre:Steampunk / Paranormal
Ohhh, my noggin. What has happened? I took a whallop upside the head and woke up in a place far from my time and home. Instead of it being the modern era of 1877 like it ought to be, I am in the distant past of England’s Dark Ages! There are mighty warriors in gleaming armour, and beautiful ladies wearing colourful gowns with taffeta secured dunce caps.
This is the castle Camelot! I am in the company of King Arthur and his majestic Knights!
Golly, can you imagine? Me, Ichabod Temperance, an Alabama tinker in King Arthur’s Camelot!
Oh, Goodness, it ain’t took too long before I already have trouble up to my hat’s brim what with Mr. Merlin, Miss Morgana, and a big mean knight in black armour getting bristly with me. Gee whiz, if I ain’t careful, I might end up wrecking there ever having been a Western Civilization!
“Oooooh, Ichabod, thou art so manly in thy great victory. Let me soothe thee with my tender caresses to ease thee after so arduous a battle.”
“Oooooh, Ichabod, forsooth, surely thee prefers the joyous sensations that my company may bring and naughtte the substandard and slovenly manners of a low wench as that, yard-hen?”
“Oooooh, Ichabod, tarry naughtte with these damaged damsels. Thou surely desires one of purity and innocence, naughtte the over-used likes of these virtue-less wenches.”
“Back off, you slattern tarts, the boy, I mean, the Great Wizard Ichabod, is mine to carouse with as I please!”
“Hsss! Thou would be wise to retreateth, skanketh one. Withdraw forthwith lest thine eyes find themselves upon mine fingertips.”
“I shall have him!”
“No, he is mine!”
“No, no, it will be I that possess Ichabod!”
“Ichabod, get out of there! Those maidens have transformed into maddened furies! This way! Flee for your life!”
“Gosh, thanks, Spyke, I was almost collaterally damaged!”
“This big tournament held in your honour is meant to celebrate your victory, not inflict untimely death upon you.”
“That’s what I thought, but there has been one love-hungry bunny/maiden after another trying to run me down. Let’s get back to a more public area. I don’t think that first little ol’ gal really had anything back here behind the wagons to show me no how.”
“Thou may feel free to throw any surplus maidens in mine direction, oh, Ichabod, who art the man.”
“I’ll see what I can do, Spyke.”
“You know, all them pretty little gals and all the general excess in over-abundant joyous affection that is so poignantly illustrated all around me by these frolicking, carousing, couplings got me lonesome for my girl back home. I sure do wish I could find a way back to my one true love, Miss Persephone Plumtartt.”
Standing over five feet, seven inches and weighing in at better than one hundred and thirty pounds, Ichabod Temperance is ‘The Alfalfa Male.’ After lengthy music, karate, and pro-wrestling careers, Ichabod’s involvment with movie stuntwork has led him to write these whimsical, steam-driven adventures. Mr. Temperance and his lovely muse, Miss Persephone Plumtartt, live in Irondale, Alabama, USA, along with their furry pack family.