Dirty Deeds - Book Tour and Giveaway

Dirty Deeds
by Armand Rosamilia
Genre: Crime Thriller ​
​

I get paid to erase problems.
Did your extramarital affair produce an unwanted complication? Family problems? Just want to enjoy your midlife crisis by yourself?
That's where I come in. For a fee I'll take care of it. A big fee.
Only, I'm not going to do what you think. I'm not going to save you from them, I’m going to save them from you.


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​ONE

I get paid large sums of money to kill children.
I'll let that horrific sentence sink in before I tell you what I really do for a living.
More specifically, I move children from horrific situations with parents, guardians, and wicked people and place them with someone who will watch over them. Take care of them. Not want them dead.
How and why do I do this? We'll get back to the nitty gritty in a bit. For now...


"How much money to kill my daughter?"
I frowned and stared at the man. Without an answer, I walked to his office desk and sat down in the guest chair, and motioned for him to join me. I put my satchel on the floor within easy reach.
He took his time, trying to seem casual, walking around his desk and dropping into his chair.
I notice things.
A picture of his daughter was on the filing cabinet to my right. His hands were shaking and he couldn't make eye contact. He was sweating despite the air turned down low, and when I'd first walked into his office, I noticed his secretary was not at her desk.
John Caruso was one of the big shot lawyers in Philadelphia, but I would be stupid not to do my job and figure out the background of a potential client before we met. This guy had a couple of red flags and I was going to have my due diligence with John before we went any further.
I chuckled without humor and sat up in the chair. "If I'm not mistaken, you just asked me how much to kill your daughter?"
He nodded, his hands on the desk. When he moved his right hand to his phone on the desk he stopped, his hand shaking.
John was wearing a dress shirt. It most likely cost as much as my entire wardrobe. Especially what I was wearing. He was sweating so badly I could see his chest hair through it.
Me? I was calm and casual.
In the movies, the killer is always dressed smartly. Expensive Italian suits. Diamond-studded watch. Shoes like butter and worth the cost of a Porsche.
I was wearing a pair of jeans I'd bought at Wal-Mart, a black t-shirt that came in a pack of three, and boat shoes. Very comfortable, but not butter-comfortable. The most expensive thing I wore was the gold chain and cross around my neck, a gift from my deceased mother.
The pen on this guy's desk cost more than everything I had on even if you added in the cash from my wallet. I was sure his phone had every app imaginable to mankind and he didn't worry about his monthly bill.
"Don't play with me, Mister Aaron. You know exactly why you're here," John said. He sat up and his hands stopped shaking.
I knew the look on his face. He thought he had me. This little weasel thought he was back in control.
I turned my head and looked around the room. When I turned back to him he looked confused.
"I need water. Is there any way, before we begin the transaction that will change your life, you can get me a glass of water?" I asked.
"Uh... sure. I have bottled water."
I smiled and tried to fake warmth for this snake. "Actually, a tall glass of water is better. I don't even need it cold. I just need a lot of water." I touched my lips. "I get very thirsty doing this. You understand, right?"
"I have tap water," he said.
"Perfect."
John nodded and went out of the office and into his bathroom.
I scooped up his phone and sliced my finger across it, unlocking it quickly. These big shots were all the same: they'd spend thousands of dollars on home security but set their passwords to their computers so an eight year old could crack it, and never put anything safety-wise on their cell phone. I wasn’t tech-savvy at all, but I’d paid a lot of money to learn the tricks I needed to learn over the years. I knew enough to keep me from getting backed into a corner or caught doing something stupid.
I found what I was looking for but didn't bother doing anything with it. I knew the score now.
John returned with the water and I sat up. I'd put his phone back but made sure it was moved half a foot to the right, away from him.
He noticed it right away and looked like he was about to run.
I put a finger to my lips and stood, taking the glass of water and taking a sip.
John didn't move.
The side of his mouth twitched when I picked up his cell phone.
"I think we got off to a bad start, Mister Caruso. You mistook me for someone else. Someone bad. I was contacted by a friend of a friend of a friend. This is how this happens and gets me in your office," I said. I sat back down and put the phone next to my glass of water.
I motioned for him to sit and I picked up my satchel from the floor on my side, keeping eye contact with the lawyer so he didn't bolt.
"I am selling this and I was told you had money for the purchase," I said and produced a 1973 Topps Mike Schmidt rookie baseball card, sealed and graded Gem Mint. Perfect 10. "You won't find this card in a better quality than this. Make me an offer I can't refuse."
John looked confused as he stared at the baseball card in my hand.
"I didn't invite you to my office to buy a damn baseball card," he said.
I picked up his phone with my free hand.
"Then I'm sorry for wasting your time. I really thought I was here to sell you a Schmidt rookie. I figured since we're in Philadelphia and you're obviously a hometown fan, it made sense to me. My bad. I'll be on my way," I said and stood, dropping his phone into the glass of water.
John panicked and tried to grab the glass but I pulled it away. I wanted to make sure it stayed in as long as possible. Not that it would do anything other than destroy his expensive phone. It was my own personal screw you to this jerk, who thought he was smarter than I was.
I yanked the phone out and spun it across the room, where it smashed against the wall.
"Oh no, I am so sorry. I will buy you a new phone. Is it broken?" I asked, running to it and accidentally stepping on the screen. It cracked. They didn't make them like they used to, right?
I could see he was getting pissed and about to say something really stupid. I turned, grabbed his arm, and pulled him to me. When I stared into his eyes he stopped and anger was replaced by fear.
"You got your wires crossed. I sell baseball cards. That's it. I don't know what you're talking about. You want to kill your daughter? I should go to the police, you sick bastard. Anyone who tries to pay someone to have someone killed, especially a child, deserves to die themselves. I hope, someday, you get what you deserve," I said and pushed him away.
I grabbed my satchel and walked out of his office, slamming the door behind me.
My instincts had saved me again but I was far from in the clear. I knew what was going to happen now.
As soon as I got outside there were lights in my eyes, armed police officers and men in black suits, and I was tossed to the pavement. It wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last, either.
They searched me, the FBI agent taking the lead disappointed I didn't have a weapon on me. I knew better. I didn't even carry a pair of tweezers.
I was put into the back of a squad car without a word and driven away. I didn't bother telling anyone they'd forgotten to read me my rights. They knew exactly what they were doing.
I'd been in this spot before. A lot worse, in fact. They had nothing on me and I wasn't going to slip like you saw in bad TV and movies. Not happening.
I enjoyed the ride. I'd flown into Philly so quickly I hadn't had a chance to see the city. Now, I watched it from the back of a police car.


* * * * *


It was Reggie Keane again.
Twenty years ago, when I'd first come onto his radar, he was a detective in the NYPD. He'd only been in a few years and was looking to make a name for himself. Since he'd almost nailed me in Spanish Harlem in 1996, he'd had an unhealthy obsession.
I called him Captain Ahab, which drove him nuts. I was his Moby Dick.
Agent Keane spread his stack of files on the table between us, not making eye contact just yet. It was always the same move from him: he'd try to disarm me with a lame look.
As soon as he looked up, going for his best DeNiro, I winked at him. He was flustered, as usual.
“Is there a reason I’m here, with you, again?” I asked. I leaned back in the chair and nodded at the two Philly cops standing near the door. “Am I a threat to you, Reggie? I don’t even carry a weapon. You know all of this.”
I was sure half a dozen FBI cronies were on the other side of the glass, taking notes. I knew most of them by face if not by name after all this time.
I was getting too old for this game, though. Keane was getting desperate. He was probably getting close to retirement age and needed to close the books on me before he got his pension, gold watch and was put out to pasture.
“I have a few questions to ask you,” Reggie said.
“Sure, go ahead. I have a plane to catch in an hour, but I’ll try to help in any way I can,” I said. I didn’t have a plane to catch. I gave him the line every meeting so he could bust my chops for two hours and feel like he’d accomplished something as insignificant as having me miss a plane back to wherever he thought I was going.
After this distraction, I was headed up the road to Manhattan to a sports card show. If he’d done even a bit of homework he would’ve known it.
Keane smiled. So predictable. “I think you’re going to miss your flight… where are you headed now? I have sightings of you in Chicago, San Diego, Atlanta, Boston and Dallas in the last year.”
He didn’t mention Jacksonville or Newark, but he’d made my home in Chicago since our last talk. I’d make a note to have Marisa clear and sell it before the end of the year. What a shame. I was starting to like the summers in Chi-town.
“I am a legitimate businessman. I pay my taxes. I vote. I try to buy U.S. goods when possible. I recycle, too. If you’re trying to shake me down in front of the Philly cops or your buddies in the FBI listening in, forget it.” I smiled and leaned forward. “I told you the last time you tried to get a bribe out of me, and I’ll tell you again: I’m doing nothing wrong, and there are real bad guys out in the world you need to concentrate on. Stop asking me for money. You might need a new job if you can’t seem to get your mortgage paid on time.”
Keane was getting hot and I was enjoying this, but I knew I needed to pull back. It was on the tip of my tongue to mention his cheating wife and the divorce papers signed a few days ago. I knew I was nothing more than a distraction right now. I felt sorry for Reggie, too. He wasn’t a bad guy. He was doing his job and he did it quite well. He’d risen in the FBI ranks like a bullet (pun intended) but I was the obstacle keeping him from the big time.
“I know exactly why you’re in Philadelphia,” Keane said.
“I thought I was selling a Mike Schmidt rookie card.” I turned to the two cops. “You guys get to go to Phillies games? I imagine with how bad the team is they let you in for free, right?”
Both cops tried their best not to snicker.
Keane opened a folder he’d had his hands on as if it would make for a dramatic move and I’d tremble in my seat.
He pulled the top page from it and smiled. “You know what this is?”
“All the cases you never solved because you’re too busy with me?”
“No,” Keane said and his voice cracked. I had him. “This is a thread we pulled off a message board three days ago. Mr. Caruso was talking to a Mr. Aaron, who set terms to kill his daughter at quarter of a million dollars. Does this ring a bell?”
“I know who Caruso is. The lawyer who flaked out when he saw how gem mint the Schmidt card was. I have no idea who Aaron is. Maybe another lawyer in his firm?”
I made a mental note to have Marisa wipe the message board clean. It was no longer safe. If Keane was smart he wouldn’t have tipped his hand he had finally cracked the outdated means of communication between me and the evil in the world.
At the halfway point between forty and fifty, I wasn’t tech savvy. I despised computers and only had a cell phone because I needed it for my life. It was an online world we lived in.
Back in the last part of the previous century I thought I had a firm grasp on technology. As I got older and the computers got smaller and smarter, I got lost. It was the same with music and TV and everything else. I freely admitted it. Marisa, who was still technically a teenager, spent most of her day wired on coffee and wired to the internet, making my job that much easier.
I needed to give the kid a raise.
“I’m not sure what you’re insinuating. Should I get a lawyer?” I asked, knowing as soon as you mention a lawyer, the Feds and cops shut up.
Keane grinned. “I know a good lawyer. John Caruso. You just met him. He wants his daughter dead. Remember?”
Ahh. This wasn’t a sting to catch me specifically. They’d been watching this idiot as he tried unsuccessfully to get his daughter killed. It probably hadn’t been a trap until Keane got his mitts on the operation. He’d swooped in when he thought he’d finally get me. Instead of Caruso hiring a couple of undercover cops, who would simply arrest him, Keane had wired him for sound and given him a deal: help the FBI and they’d help you.
“Killing kids is a horrible thing. Hiring someone to do it is even worse,” I said.
“How do you mean?” Keane asked, flipping through the papers in the folder.
“If you want someone dead, especially a family member, step up and do it yourself. You’re an asshole for wanting to have someone dead to begin with, but your own kid? And you don’t have the balls to do it yourself? I don’t know what I just walked into in that law office but if you need me as a witness I’d be happy to help the FBI. He asked me point-blank if I wanted to kill his daughter for him. I thought I misunderstood,” I said.
Keane stood and closed his file without showing me another page and more of his weak hand. He aimed a finger in my direction and I grinned when both cops took a step forward. This wasn’t practiced or planned. Keane was going off-script and I’d gotten under his skin. Again.
“Don’t think for a second you’re fooling anyone. I know all of your aliases: Jones, Smoltz, Cox, Murphy, Spahn, Maddux, Niekro, Maddux, Glavine, Robinson and now Aaron. I don’t know if they’re random names or what, but I’m going to find out and take you down,” Keane said.
“Uh, sir…” one of the police officers, a guy in his late twenties, put up his hand like he was in school. When Keane didn’t bother asking him why he was interrupting but looked at the man, he got the hint to keep talking. “I know all those names. Baseball names, sir. If I’m not mistaken, they all played for the Atlanta Braves.”
The cop looked at me, expecting me to answer.
“Not only are they all Braves, but I believe they are all players that had their numbers retired by the great franchise,” I said. I looked at Keane and grinned. “I grew up in Atlanta, which I’m sure you knew. A simple Google search of the names would’ve gotten you this far.”
Keane smiled. “I got you.”
“I fail to see how me knowing about my favorite team makes me a criminal. If knowing sports is a crime, I’m guessing the cop here should go to prison for figuring out a bunch of names.” I stood up. “Unless you’re arresting me for something, I need to catch a flight. I’m not staying for coffee. If you ask me another question I’m going to lawyer up and not say another word.”
“I know your name is James Gaffney. Your home address is listed in Atlanta. You do pay all your taxes on time and your side business of sports cards is rather lucrative. Hell, if you went legit and stuck to selling baseball cards you’d be a rich man,” Keane said.
“I am a rich man because I sell baseball cards and nothing else,” I said.
“Why have you killed all of these children?” Keane asked, dumping his folder on the table. Pictures of crime scenes spilled to the floor, but not one of them contained an actual body.
Like I said, I help these kids.
“I need to see my lawyer,” I said and sat down. “I also need a cup of horrible Philadelphia coffee. Any chance Geno’s is still open for a cheese steak sandwich?”
​

Dirty Deeds 2
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Everything was going smoothly until my past caught up with me.

Now I'm being taunted by a madman who knows more about me than I do.

He's kidnapped the closest person in my life, and he is using it to get my attention.

Trust me... he has it. Now I just need to figure out where he is and when he'll strike again.

Things were easier when I was only kidnapping children.


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Dirty Deeds 3

Philadelphia. City of Brotherly Love.

Unless you have the Philly mob trying to kill you and the FBI wanting to sit you down for an interview about your connections to organized crime.

Not to mention being wanted for your own illegal business ventures.

Did you guess I was in trouble?


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Dirty Deeds 4

The Big Easy. The Crescent City. Birthplace of Jazz. Mardi Gras City. NOLA. New Orleans.

Even in a fun place like this I find myself being chased, shot at, coerced and abused by the FBI, organized crime and Reggie Keane, who used to spend his days trying to arrest me.

Did I also mention a serial killer is in the mix as well?

One of these days I'm going to spend time in a city and enjoy the tourist sites.

The fourth book in the crime thriller series from author Armand Rosamilia


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Dirty Deeds 5

Marisa Paige, assistant to James Gaffney's legal and illegal endeavors, just wanted to spend time in Florida.

Sunny beaches. Baseball games. Sightseeing in St. Augustine.

When Marisa stumbles upon the dead owner of a baseball card store, her vacation plans change.

Can she solve this cozy mystery before someone else dies?

Will she get to see a few Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp baseball games and work on her tan as well?


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Dirty Deeds 6

The Sixth Book in the crime thriller series!

Being a guest on a sailboat should be the most relaxing thing. Ever. I can’t think of what else would make someone happier. A gentle breeze over the water. The sun shining. Someone else steering the boat and asking if you’d like another grilled shrimp or noticing your glass is nearly empty.

The problem I have is simple: someone getting shot and blood splatter on my shrimp puts a damper on this picturesque scene, and it isn’t a lazy dream I’m having, either.

Once again what should be an idyllic scenario becomes a bloodbath because… well, because of who I am.


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Dirty Deeds 7
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The next chapter in the Award Winning crime thriller series!

What started out as a simple kidnapping and trip to Texas has turned into a typical week for me: dead bodies, being shot at, changes in my life, too much heat, lots of great food and sparring with the local sheriff and the FBI


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Dirty Deeds 8

I have a plane. I use it for pleasure. To fly to exotic locales and eat great food, watch sporting events and sell sports cards.

Except when a Philly mobster I owe a favor to has me use it to go to Brazil and kill a woman

Never a dull moment for me

The next part of the Award Winning crime thriller series!


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Armand Rosamilia is a New Jersey boy currently living in sunny Florida, where he writes when he's not sleeping. He's happily married to a woman who helps his career and is supportive, which is all he ever wanted in life...

He's written over 150 stories that are currently available, including horror, zombies, contemporary fiction, thrillers and more. His goal is to write a good story and not worry about genre labels.

He not only runs two successful podcasts...

Arm Cast: Dead Sexy Horror Podcast - interviewing fellow authors as well as filmmakers, musicians, etc.

The Mando Method Podcast with co-host Chuck Buda - talking about writing and publishing

But he owns the network they're on, too! Project Entertainment Network

He also loves to talk in third person... because he's really that cool.

You can find him at http://armandrosamilia.com for not only his latest releases but interviews and guest posts with other authors he likes!

and e-mail him to talk about zombies, baseball and Metal:
armandrosamilia@gmail.com


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The Evolution of The Dirty Deeds Cover
Armand Rosamilia

The concept for the first Dirty Deeds cover was simple: baseball cards, a baby pacifier, bullets, a pile of cash and some blood. It nicely summarized the story, which was also simple: a man gets paid to kill children.
Of course, nothing is as it seems in Dirty Deeds, storyline or cover.
Our main character, James Gaffney, does get paid to kill children… but he saves them instead of doing the, ahem, dirty deed. A bit of a twist on how you might initially think the story will turn out. Not a spoiler, since I wanted to convey this right from the start. No sense in getting readers (or potential readers) upset thinking I wrote about the taboo of killing children.
The cover was actually created by my wife, because I needed it done ASAP.
I had wanted to submit to the Kindle Scout program, which earned you a nice contract with Kindle Press and the full support of Amazon behind it. A dream come true… but I needed a cover, a back cover blurb, and an edited story… the entire package.
I submitted it in late 2015 and got the great news right after Thanksgiving: I’d been offered a contract, with an advance and the marketing of Amazon behind me. A definite dream come true, and something crossed off the bucket list.
Except… the editor assigned to me had a real problem with the cover based on what she’d read. Because of the healthy dose of humor and the mainstream writing I’d purposely done, Amazon wanted it to reach as many readers as possible.
Which meant a couple of things had to go from the cover: the bullets and the blood.
They mentioned authors like Janet Evanovich and Carl Hiassen as examples of authors who Dirty Deeds would appeal to, noting their lack of blood and extreme items on their covers. Getting mentioned in the same sentence as those two authors by Amazon? Yeah. I’ll take it!
Dirty Deeds was a fun story despite the sobering main plot and the fact it was a crime thriller. I saw their point.
Instead of having my wife tackle another shot at the cover, for which she had done a good job on but I needed a professional to do it, I reached out to Jack Wallen. He’d done some covers for me in the past, and I knew he’d be able to fulfill any obligations for future books in the series without a problem and at an affordable price.
I sent Jack the original idea and the pieces we’d used to put it together.
He sent back a cover beyond my wildest expectations. I loved it. The main parts were still there: the baseball cards. Pacifier. Pile of cash. The background blue had been pumped up a bit, showing it all off.
Not only did I love it, but Amazon loved it, too.
Putting the cover together taught me a lot about not only how to better understand a potential reader, but also the mindset of Amazon, which is so invaluable.
I hope readers (and potential readers) agree with me (and Amazon) about the cover, and give it a shot. In this case, judge a book by the cover… and crack it open.


Thanks for reading along!
Armand Rosamilia

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